Bethel is amazing. Honestly, everything in the last 5 months has been so intense, yet so beautiful.
I have watched God change the lives of my peers and seen myself grow exponentially in ways I never dreamed possible.
Life doesn’t stop though, even in a revival culture like Bethel. Life goes on.
Truth be told, I am learning some major things here, through situations I currently have no control over back home.
There is a tension in Faith vs circumstances. A tension that needs each other and at the same time, doesn’t need each other. In this season, I am learning complete dependence and learning identity. I am learning that prayer is powerful and because of who I am now, I am more capable not because I am strong, but rather because I am weak.
In His strength I find myself, cocooned in hope that won’t relent.
On February 12th, 2014 my 12 year old son tried to commit suicide.
Hope. Hope … through tears, through screaming alanis morisette songs at the top of my lungs into pillows between sobs, through poetry and songs, working through every emotion in the last few days has been the test of my faith, of my heart and helped me to see things in a new light. While I am unable to be there with him, I am simply trusting God.
I haven’t been allowed to talk to him yet. My kid knows though, thanks to my Mom though and good friends, my baby boy knows how deeply loved he is. Its almost an act of comfort to believe, and to hear the updates.
I have to choose to in this not so simple yet very simple situation that God is still God and surely, He is with my son. I do not have many words for this, or for anything right now. I can’t tell you how I am feeling most moments but if I operate from faith, then I have all I need. If I remain led by the holy spirit, and keep my eyes on HIM I know my son will overcome.
So if you are reading this I am asking for some help.
Pray for my son, Nick, and my entire family.
Pray that God continues to show up with provision. I know God is with us, but i long to see the hand of the Lord move in my family like never before.
If this has done anything it has only made me one mean mad prayer warrior mama bear who wont stand for the attacks of the enemy on my families lives anymore.
Much love to you all–