Honest post here people.
I let him get in too deep with me . I trusted him too quickly, and I knew it was wrong. I was accused of “leading him on” when really , he didn’t know who he was and I just wanted to be loved.
After he threatens shooting himself in the head , calls me crazy , and tells me “maybe you should slit your wrists ”
amongst other things , and then hearing how he talked behind my back?
Hell NO .
Do I regret kissing him? Yes.
Do I regret meeting him? Not entirely.
When I discovered I didn’t want to be his nurturer , his caretaker or that I didnt want someone to take care of me , I took a break. I felt the Lord calling me back to HIM. It had become my job to fill my boyfriends God spot and He wanted mine. I wasn’t having it.
A week later everything blew up because its just not normal to have panic attacks every time you talk on the phone while he asks the hard question that you simply have to answer because if you dont now,
in 6 months you’ll be the one dead on the floor.
He lied, and led me on, and maybe I lied and led him on.
It doesn’t matter .
Abuse is abuse . and no-one should ever tell you that you are worthless in their words, actions or the like.
Heres the thing though in all of this .
I am stronger because I opened myself up to love again.
I am aware of WHO I am , and I wouldn’t have gained what I have without him.
He is a good guy, he is kind, and loving and I never doubted his love for me . He is good to others and generous, almost too much. He has his stuff to work out though, like all of us.
He is forgiven and I forgive him.
Now with that in mind I set the boundaries. I changed my phone number because he got super weird and stalker like. I have a plan for if he comes to either one of my work places and if he tries to hurt me or becomes verbally/emotionally abusive towards me again, I will not tolerate it. I will have no compassion, because in those moments ladies and gentlemen, rejecting the lies he throws at me is more important than caring for him.
I place him in Gods hands and I leave him there, and my only assignment is to pray.
I want nothing to do with him. Nothing.
One day in heaven we may talk. But here on earth, Ive had enough.
Because Love is supposed to be protective , caring and healthy , and in order to love I must love myself too. Love who I am , love my process, LOVE my God who rescued me again!
I choose to lean on grace, walk out my freedom daily as HIS mercies are new every day and I am not a victim anymore , but I am victorious .
I will love again, and next time it will be better then ever .